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News

The Onion
theonion.com > mapquest-jumps-to-top-of-app-store-after-refusing-to-rename-lake-ontario

MapQuest Jumps To Top Of App Store After Refusing To Rename ‘Lake Ontario’

57+ min ago   (87+ words) Thursday, September 3, 2026 Hope you like cicadas Legacy mapping tool MapQuest shot up to become the top navigation app in Apple’s app store after refusing to comply with President Trump’s executive order renaming “Lake Ontario” to “Lake America,” overtaking Google Maps,…...

The Onion
theonion.com > google-maps-introduces-crawling-directions-for-cyclists-hit-by-truck

Google Maps Introduces Crawling Directions For Cyclists Hit By Truck

7+ hour, 54+ min ago   (315+ words) MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the new feature as yet another innovation to help every traveler get where they’re going, Google Maps on Thursday began offering crawling directions for cyclists who have been hit by a truck. “Whether you’ve been sideswiped…...

The Onion
theonion.com > raya-introduces-new-pr-relationship-mode

Raya Introduces New PR Relationship Mode

1+ week, 2+ day ago   (283+ words) LOS ANGELES—Empowering their users to be completely upfront about their intentions, officials for the dating app Raya announced Tuesday they were launching an all-new PR Relationship Mode. “Whether you’re looking for a 23-year-old model to serve as your latest…...

The Onion
theonion.com > ring-launches-streaming-service

Ring Launches Streaming Service

4+ week, 1+ day ago   (137+ words) Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed Programming Available From Doors Across America HAWTHORNE, CA—Providing customers with an expansive and growing library of premium content, smart doorbell manufacturer Ring launched a new streaming service Wednesday. While the maturity rating of…...

The Onion
theonion.com > study-finds-gen-z-telepaths-lack-attention-span-to-read-even-single-mind

Study Finds Gen Z Telepaths Lack Attention Span To Read Even Single Mind

1+ mon, 2+ week ago   (302+ words) BERKELEY, CA—Raising the alarm about an issue that could have long-term consequences for American youth, researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, published a study Wednesday that found the majority of Generation Z telepaths lacked the attention span to…...

The Onion
theonion.com > anti-vaxxer-dating-app-gaining-popularity

Anti-Vaxxer Dating App Gaining Popularity

2+ mon, 2+ day ago   (74+ words) Unjected, a dating app for unvaccinated people that began in 2021, has been gaining popularity, currently boasting 65,000 active users. What do you think? “Perfect, I’ve been looking for something more short-term.” “What a fun ‘how we met’ story to tell your…...

The Onion
theonion.com > mcdonalds-warns-corporate-employees-to-beware-emails-from-sender-purporting-to-be-grimace

McDonald’s Warns Corporate Employees To Beware Emails From Sender Purporting To Be Grimace

2+ mon, 2+ week ago   (290+ words) CHICAGO—Telling staff never to click on any suspicious communications with blurred purple images, McDonald’s officials reportedly warned corporate employees Friday to beware any emails from senders purporting to be Grimace. “Grimace will never ask you for your credit card…...

The Onion
theonion.com > study-finds-iphone-lowered-birth-rate

Study Finds iPhone Lowered Birth Rate

2+ mon, 3+ week ago   (93+ words) A new paper published by the National Bureau of Economic Research found that the release of the Apple iPhone in 2007 contributed to a decline in the birth rate, especially among teens and young adults. What do you think? “I just…...

The Onion
theonion.com > meta-launches-instagram-plus

Meta Launches Instagram Plus

3+ mon, 3+ hour ago   (98+ words) Meta announced a new Instagram Plus subscription plan for $3.99, allowing extra features such as the ability to extend stories longer than 24 hours and see who rewatched users’ stories. What do you think? “I don’t really need any of those features,…...

The Onion
theonion.com > man-horrified-to-find-self-seeking-community-online

Man Horrified To Find Self Seeking Community Online

3+ mon, 2+ week ago   (222+ words) Closest Thing To Real Human Connection Occurs On Internet Wristwatch Forum FORT WAYNE, IN—Upon realizing his most meaningful social interactions now took place among people he had never actually encountered in the flesh, local man Andrew Riley confided to…...